Have you ever felt ashamed after masturbating?
If so, you’re not alone!
For centuries, masturbation has been surrounded by taboo and shame, leading to misinformation and confusion. It’s time to break down the barriers and talk openly about this important and healthy aspect of human sexuality.
We had the pleasure of talking to Andréanne Lapointe, co-founder of Just a little fun, and Anne-Claudel Parr, sexologist and editor with the same company. Taking a sex-positive approach, they demystified female masturbation so that we can dare to enjoy ourselves – a powerful act of emancipation in a patriarchal society in which sexuality is still controlled by social norms.
💡 This article is a summary of the Red Tables organized by Mme L'Ovary. The floor is left entirely to our invited experts and community members. This article reflects their opinions and should in no way be taken as medical advice.
The famous G-spot: Does it really exist?
Surprise surprise: the G-spot doesn’t really exist! Or at least, the thing that exists is more properly called the "G-zone."
Contrary to popular belief, the G-spot is not an anatomical structure in itself, like an ear or a nose. As Anne-Claudel so aptly puts it, “There’s no magic button to be found in the vagina.”
The so-called G-spot is actually an area made up of several anatomical structures. Among them is the clitoris. Yes, that beloved pleasure organ again! What we see of the clitoris with the naked eye is just the tip of the iceberg: its 13 cm-long bulbs take root inside the body.
So what we’re talking about here is actually the clitoral-urethro-vaginal complex. You'll understand “clitoro” because it’s the blood-engorged bulbs of the clitoris that will be stimulated, “urethro” because the G-zone runs alongside the urethra, and “vaginal” because it can be reached through the vagina.
So where exactly is this zone?
If you had a GPS to find your G-zone (or your partner’s), here’s roughly what it would tell you:
Insert a finger about 3–5 cm from the vaginal entrance (which isn’t all that far in!).
You should first feel a smoother area, and then it gets harder and rougher. That’s when the fun begins!
The G-zone is located about halfway between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix, along the urethra.
You’ve arrived at your destination!
Now that you’ve found it, we’ll show you how to get the most out of it.
How to stimulate the G-spot?
Build up the excitement by stimulating the external clitoris: Sexual build-up is a big turn-on, not that we’re teaching you anything new. But it also allows the clitoral bulbs to become engorged with blood, which will help you find the G-zone.
Insert one (or two) fingers to start.
Make a “come here” movement with your finger. You’d think that back-and-forth movements would stimulate the G-zone, but no! Instead, it’s the repetitive upward-pointing movements.
You can put a hand on your pubic bone to increase the pressure.
Of course, everyone is different! Theoretically, people with female genitalia have all the anatomical structures to stimulate their G-zone, but in practice, not everyone will manage to do so. And that’s absolutely okay.
The difference between ejaculation and squirting
Stimulation of the G-zone can lead to female ejaculation or squirting.
During ejaculation, the amount of liquid expelled is minimal (we’re talking 1 to 5 ml, so you may not even realize it). It’s a thicker, white, opaque liquid with a sweet taste. If you’ve got a sweet tooth, don’t hesitate to try it!
Squirting, on the other hand, has long been associated with peeing. But that’s not quite what it is! The bladder does fill up, but not with urine: squirt is an odourless, colourless liquid, more like water. When squirting, up to 300 ml of liquid can be expelled, equivalent to a large glass of water.
Take note:
Stimulating the G-zone may or may not lead to ejaculation and/or squirting.
Either phenomenon may or may not be accompanied by an orgasm.
Squirting can lead to 7th heaven, but it can also be unpleasant. All experiences are valid.
Pssst! It'’s also normal to feel the need to urinate when you squirt.
A guide to choosing the right sex toy
Sex toys can be your allies in exploring your pleasure alone or with a partner. They’re always on the ball, and they’ll give you plenty to play with! And above all, they’ll let you explore YOUR own colours.
Because there’s an ocean of sex toy possibilities, it’s easy to understand why you don’t know which way to turn! To choose the right one, you first have to ask yourself the right questions:
What kind of stimulation would you like?
External, internal, or both? Targeted or broader contact?
What do you want to use it for?
Alone, in pairs, or versatile? For pelvic floor training?
What specific features are you looking for?
Discreet? Remote control? Waterproof?
Does the toy have different power levels?
You want a toy that offers several intensity or speed options so you can find the perfect fit for your needs and sensibilities.
What material is the toy made from?
It’s important to look at the quality of the material, especially for penetration and even more so for anal penetration. Medical-grade silicone is your go-to!
The Just a Little Fun team has put together a comprehensive guide to help you choose the sex toy of your dreams. Have fun!
How often should I masturbate?
There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. We tend to say the more, the better, since masturbation has many mental and physical health benefits (we’ll tell you about them in a sec).
Many of us wonder how often we should masturbate with a toy. The important thing is not how often you masturbate but rather to vary the way you masturbate so you don’t get too used to it. You can try out different positions (lying in bed, standing up in the shower, etc.) or vary the form of stimulation (external clit stimulation, G-spot stimulation, anal stimulation, etc.).
The aim is to try not to be dependent on and faithful to a single toy. As for the rest, the aim of masturbation is simply to have fun according to your preferences (and those of your partner, if he or she is involved, of course)!
The mental and physical health benefits of masturbation
In addition to the pleasure masturbation brings, this one-on-one time with yourself also has positive impacts on your health. Here are a few reasons why you should make it part of your routine:
It helps us reclaim our bodies: in a society that constantly puts pressure on us and teaches us to hide our female bodies, masturbating is a way of reconnecting with our bodies.
Once we know what pleases us, it’s easier to communicate our desires and needs to our partners so we can better guide them.
It reduces stress: During orgasm, we secrete endorphins, also known as "happy hormones." Thanks to endorphins, you can relax and feel good!
It helps you get a good night’s sleep: there’s nothing like a quick sesh to release the tensions of the day and get a better night’s sleep!
It boosts the immune system: masturbation enables our bodies to increase the production of white blood cells, which are essential for fighting viruses.
It increases libido: The more you touch each other, the more sexually active you feel. Circle of pleasure!
Masturbation and menstruation: Making a good pair
Many people are still put off by the idea of touching themselves during this phase of the cycle (which is normal after years of conditioning to hide our blood at all costs). Yet masturbation is an excellent way not only to welcome our blood and deepen our intimacy with ourselves but also to reduce menstrual cramps.
Here are some tips on how to combine pleasure and menstruation:
Start by gradually deconstructing the shame associated with your menstrual blood: to do this, there are various moon rituals you can try to welcome your period in a more benevolent way.
Try it in the shower: If you’re afraid of getting dirty, the shower is the place to go! You can even bring along a waterproof toy for even more fun ;-)
The dark towel on the bed is your best friend: we won’t stop ourselves from enjoying the comfort of our bed when we want to touch ourselves while menstruating!
Opt for external sex toys, like the Gourmet: if you use internal toys, be sure to clean them thoroughly before and after your session.
Touch yourself through your menstrual undies: No risk of soiling your sheets! And indirect contact is perfect for more sensitive clitorises.
After all, there’s nothing negative or risky about masturbation. Because no, you won’t go blind from pleasuring yourself. Don’t worry!
If you’ve internalized some form of shame or guilt, ask yourself: Where does it come from? Is it pornography? Your parents? Your upbringing? By pinpointing the source of this negative feeling, you’ll be able to reclaim your pleasure little by little.
You deserve orgasms galore, and no one is better placed to give them than you ;-)
Some resources
Sexual portrait quiz
